Life Through Another Door

















Greetings! I've had something fluctuating within me for some time now; this is basically how it goes. Sometimes I can just sit and write, at other times thoughts and messages circulate in me and I know it's something that I should write about. This has been happening in relation to memories. I sit and reflect a lot on the losses of my brother and sister, the lives that we had together. Most recently, the loss of my brother in law who was a very, very large part of our family. These deaths happened so quickly and in a space of thirteen months and a few days. I keep thinking, life is too short. I must learn to live it to the fullest and without regret. What do I need to do differently now that I wasn't doing before. The answer: make memories.

Making memories means going to the P.N. E. and riding the rollercoaster hands in the air from the beginning to the end, even if you don't feel like it. Laughing and hollering through it all as your niece sits beside you hanging on for dear life managing some laughter between her screams. The picture in the end is of one seemingly dancing in the seat as the other hangs on tight, both faces smiling, filled with laughter and excitement from the thrill of the ride. The image is set in time and etched deeper in the heart when your niece turns to you and says, "Let's do that again!" My wife on the other hand, one time was enough for her as she so boldly got on saying: "I can handle this. I go on the one in Budapest all the time." If I had known, I would have told her the one in Budapest is a kitten compared to the lion that we have here. She screamed, eyes closed, from the beginning to the end: she was absolutely terrified. I could not go hands in the air as she was squeezing the life out of me using me as an anchor and laughter was hard to find because I just wanted to get her off the ride alive. Well, the ride stopped. She finally opened her eyes and we looked at each other...instantly, we burst out laughing. I asked, "Are you o.k.?" We laughed even harder. We staggered over to the photo both and looked at our picture. She said, "No thanks. I don't look too good in there!" Teasingly I said, "So my brave Little Flower, want to try that again?"

Make the most of every moment, laugh as much as you can, and include as many others as you can in every beautiful moment. The ones you love, tell them how much you love them.

Take a ride on the Log Shute falling down the steepest drop, "Yes!" No hands- hollering, screaming, shouting, cheering...drenched by a blanket of water cooling the heat of the day. Go to the kiddie area and jump on a few rides. The Kiddie Roller Coaster, a sweet experience, rough enough that afterward I asked, "Boy, I wonder how many kids are messed up after that little ride." Even my wife screamed. The Scrambler and the Gladiator and of course, the Merry Go Round: We have to go on the Merry Go Round. Never too old to be a kid, after all, this is the stuff that memories are made of.

I want you to remember me for what I was. The times that I made you laugh, the times that I made you smile. The times that I sat and had a listening ear and sometimes with you just sat and cried because there were no words in the english language that could tell you how I was feeling. Of course there will be the sad times, the times that I made you cry; the times that I hurt you: for all of these I am so very sorry. That's the other thing...words so much fail to describe what it is that we are truly feeling. And when it comes to making apologies, the words too can be very difficult to find. This is why I make you that cup of coffee that you weren't expecting and bring it to you first thing in the morning, especially after a big, big fight. This too is the reason that I straighten your bed for you when it's time to go to bed, sometimes I do it with a tear in my eye because sorry is so hard to come by. When I look at you and all you see is sorrow in my face and tears welling up in my eyes it's my way of saying I'm so sorry I hurt you again, it's something that I said I would never do. Again, this is the stuff that memories are made of.

I've decided that I'm going to say sorry to as many people as I can who I know I have wronged. I'm going to talk to people who are a part of my life that I don't often talk to. For all the ones that I love, I'm going to tell them that I love them.

I realize that I'm not quaranteed a tomorrow. As the saying goes, tomorrow may be too late. My brother, sister, and brother in law have reminded me of this. I'm going to be the best that I can be and all that I can be. I'm going to live each day to the fullest and without regret. I'm going to party with the Rolling Stones this weekend at B.C. Place Stadium and like the other times before, it's going to be one of the greatest times of my life. I'm going to write poetry and songs, finish my book and dance, this is the stuff that life's made of. Memories: I want you to remember me making you laugh and smile; feeling appreciated. I want you to remember me, remembering you.

- posted by Free2write @ 5:57 PM