Promises...


Greetings!

I woke up this morning feeling great. As of late, I've been getting up, showering, running out the door and grabbing breakfast on my way to work. This morning I thought I'd go back to square one- make coffee after showering, have cereal and/or toast with a protein shake, then head off to work. This just felt like the right thing to do.

As I sat having breakfast I looked at my bible and daily devotional sitting on the table in front of me. I thought of my previous times of sold out devotion to the Father and to the fellowship. I thought of how I used to wake every morning and the first words to come out of my mouth were: "Good morning Father. I love you." These still do come but not as devotedly and as passionately as it once was. I remembered how I couldn't wait to get on my knees and start fellowshipping with the Father. I also remembered how I couldn't wait to get into reading the bible...how exciting this all was. At these times, Sunday couldn't come fast enough- effectual, fervent times of worship and praise. Testifying, excitedly, about the beauty and glory of an almighty and powerful God- how I couldn't wait to share his goodness. Then I asked myself...what happened?

I thought, "Well, I am going through a separation...an inevitable divorce." Then I thought, "No. This lack of commitment and desire has been going on for a longer period of time..." Suddenly the image of my brother Fred and myself in church hit me like a ton of bricks. The image of how we used to fellowship together and hearing again the words that were prophesied over us. A very evident lump arose in my throat, tears welled in my eyes. Church unknowingly had become a place of voidness because Fred was no longer there. I began to feel the loss, the pain. I began to speak to God as if he were sitting in the chair across from me. I began to express myself- my thoughts, my emotions, my tears...I began to cry.

As I cried I confessed my weakness, my hopelessness, my despair, my pain, my brokenness and, although it's not as evident as before, my anger . I confessed that in appearances it seemed that I was living a life free of these things and that I was doing quite well, but evidenced by the sometimes wickedness of my tongue and behavior absolutely unfitting for a Christian, obviously, something somewhere was not right. I realized that since my brother's death, spiritually, I really have taken a few steps back. The once burning fiery flames of passion that even burned as an inferno, have become flickering lights in the night, and...it's only the Grace of God that has kept me going. It is said that there is a way that seems right to a man but in the end it leads to destruction- I may have been treading on these grounds. I'm only glad to be still alive today.

Fred and I loved being in the presence of Lord. We'd dance, shout, clap, laugh and cry-the greatest was in the thick of it all and all you could do was clench your fists with your hands shooting in the air and shouting "JESUS!!!" over and over again. Our eyes were as if they were flames of fire that shot boldly into incomprehensible darkness with an expressoin of absolute determination and drive, triumph and victory. It was like calling on the captain of captains, the leader of leaders, the champion- the ultimate warrior: with him you would know no defeat- there was no defeat in him. With him, no matter how great your problems, all things were possible and every thing would be o.k. Some how, dancing, shouting, and glorifying him seemed to add dimensions to his already great and tremendous strength and ability; an undeniable and undefeatable force. It was a beauty unimaginable and something the human mind and spirit could not fully comprehend. It was joy beyond our greatest expectation and fellowship the greatest riches of this world could not buy. We'd speak to each other of the things of the Lord with diamonds in our eyes, a sparkle enough to light the night skies. Our excitement was such that a lot of the time we'd speak so excitedly that our words would be pouring out a mile a minute especially when it came to talking about the word of God and reciting scripture. Fred could recite scripture after scripture word for word and by all of the passion of his heart, you knew he believed it...I believed it too.

It was spoken unto us, my brother Fred and myself, by our then pastor who also operated in the gift of prophesy: "There's something different about you two, I don't know for sure what it is and I've never seen anything like it before. You two have been given a special annointing for a specific purpose...like Joshua and Caleb- the two that were not afraid..." She spoke these words, not necessarily prophetically, but in awe of the Glory of God that shone in and around us. This, I know is where I began to feel the loss and slip from the fellowship- Fred is no longer here: physically, he is dead. As I recollected I began again to hear and recite the promises of God.

Numbers 23: 19- God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good?

Isaiah 55:11- So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.

Proverbs 30:5- Every word of God is pure; he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.

Romans 4:21- And being fully pursuaded that, what he had promised, he was able also to perform.

These are just a few of the promises that began again to run rampant in my heart and spirit as I envisioned my brother and myself in the fellowship. Hearing again the many words that were spoken over us and wondering how these things now could ever be. I know I serve a God that specializes in impossibilities- I know that my brother physically has been in the grave now for over three years. How could that glory ever be recaptured; how can those days ever be relived. How can I ever have my brother back again that the church and fellowship with the Father can become again that which it used to be. I don't know...but God does.

I ended my time of fellowship at the breakfast table with gratitude- thanking the Father for the years that I had with my brother- for those times of fellowship...asking him to bring me again to the beauty of what it once was; to start over again. I didn't ask for a sign, but I did ask him to show me something beautiful today: "Please Father, show me a miracle."

Today marks what would have been my seventh year wedding anniversary. My wife and I separated almost six months ago. I felt the loss but paid little or no attention to it. My wife and I get along fine, we are actually better friends than we were a husband and wife. Now, we have fun together and do a lot more together than we ever used to. We're still divorcing, we've accepted this. It's the best thing for us...we tried, it's just unfortunate it didn't work out. I really didn't feel like doing much of anything today when I got home from work. I checked my emails and sat down to watch a movie. My tv sits in front of my living room window. The curtains were slightly drawn. I was right into my movie and then looked up. There it was, as if it was magically painted and instantly appeared- a big beautiful rainbow. It flashed perfectly across my living room window perfectly fitted between the width of the drawn curtains. It was as if it were made especially for me. Immediately I remembered my request: "Please Father, show me a miracle." I fell to my knees as I always do in times of extreme jubilation and thankfulness. I began to kiss the floor, seven times, thanking the Father while making the sign of the cross upon my being- this is just what I do. I forgot, but he didn't. He took the time to send me a rainbow. The rainbow is the sign that he placed in the sky as a reminder of his promise.

Genesis 9: 13, 14, 15- I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth. And it shall come to pass, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the bow shall be seen in the cloud: And I will remember my covenant, which is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and the waters shall no more become a flood to destroy all flesh.

Grace, Mercy, Peace, Patience and Love: God. This is what it is all about. This is who he is and what he does. He sends you your rainbow when you least expect it and reminds you of his promises when you have forgotten.

Be blessed...In his love and mine: Godwin B.

The Father's Touch

I feel the father's touch, as the sun warms on my face
a tender picture of beauty, a tender picture of grace.
Reminded of his love, through the dancing butterfly
in all its radiant colors, rainbows in the sky...

© Godwin H. Barton

- posted by Free2write @ 6:16 PM