Vilnius: City of Romance, City of Angels

August 5, 2009 Vilnius, Lithuania

Greetings!

I am one of the last two to leave Vilnius of the participants from the Summer Literary Seminar. The dorms, which have been our accommodation for the past three weeks, are very, very quiet. There’s a certain sadness that accompanies this “quietness” as it was only hours ago that the hallways were rustling with the voices and footsteps of many other participants. Now, there is only silence and I’ve got to endure it for one more night. I leave on Friday morning, going to the airport at 4:00 am for a departure time of 6:25 am.

I sit here heavily engaged in thought of one participant in particular. She’s young, beautiful, and a very free spirited individual. We connected in a good way over the course of the past two and a half weeks. I fear though, I may have hurt her heart slightly and this is what bothers me most. Perhaps, this is why the silence is so resoundingly sad. I had opportunity to make amends to her before she left, but, just when I wanted to talk, as one suggested- “heart to heart,” it didn’t really seem that relevant, that any previous connection we made was just that, just a connection with no real significance attached to it...we just got along and had fun together- a lot of fun (Is it like this for everyone who “just meets” and instantly gets along?) This was my feeling when I thought I should bring it up (my offense), and that I was reading too much into it. I’ve convinced myself that just as the Rolling Stones sing, “It’s just my imagination, running away with me.” Maybe there really wasn’t anything there; it’s a fantasy that I created in my mind and totally allowed my heart to feel. If this is so, why is it staring me in the face and right now, why do I feel loss for not talking to her before she left? I tell myself also that everything is alright, I mean, after all, I went to her room to visit her for a few moments last night (as she left Vilnius on an afternoon flight today) and then she came to mine, as I told her I had a gift for her, a little keep-sake and on her way out, she came to get it. Having received the gift she was very delighted, very happy; I motioned her toward me and gave her a great big hug, holding her for a few moments, and told her that I’m going to miss her like crazy. She commented on the good times we had and left my room- happy. So why do I still feel a slight sense of loss.

The morning began, Tuesday, July 28^th, 2009, with the morning lecture being canceled. I was sitting at the coffee shop having my morning treat and was about to make my way to the institute for the lecture. The group who had just left the coffee shop moments before came running back to tell me about the cancellation and that we were free until 2:00. They stood looking at each other, then to this lovely young lady who was with them, and then to me. Just as quickly as they had come, they turned and left, leaving me standing face to face with the lady who was fast becoming my friend. As they were walking away, one turned and said, “Ok. See you guys later!” “What do you want to do?” She asks. I reply, “Well. I think I’m going to go to the city, the newer part of Vilnius and just hang out, look around. And you?” “I have homework to catch up on, reading and critiquing. I’m going to look for a place to work.”

I look at her as she’s looking more beautiful with each passing day, my heart immediately forgets about running around in the city and I say, “Well, I do have reading and writing to catch up on too- maybe I’ll join you.” She smiles as we make our way to the dorms so that I can pick up my lap-top and binders. She then asks as we’re walking along the river going to old town, the more traditional European part of the city, “Where do you want to go?” “I don’t know; a coffee shop or a park? I’ll go anywhere you want to.” It’s a beautiful sunny day and she hasn’t yet been to Gedimina’s Castle which sits high on a hill that we are now passing. Pointing to the castle she says, “Let’s go up there.” I’m not going to object, already imagining the romance and beauty of the moment, “Let’s go.” The walk up echoed in the sounds of our cameras taking as many pictures as possible. Reaching the top we sat on benches that were heavily thronged by the beauty of a giant weeping willow tree. On one side of us were the ruins of the ducal palace and on the other, the best surviving tower of Gedimina’s Castle.

She looked at me as she pulled her books from her back-pack, smiling. In the exchange of our dialogue she was quick, witty, and sharp. She had me laughing. I sat and watched her as she worked- sneaking the occasional picture or two. Every so often we would break and chat, two hours went by as if they were minutes. “I’m getting hungry,” she said, “let’s tour the castle then go somewhere and have lunch.” “Sure, let’s do it!”

Gedimina’s Castle is considered to be a symbol of Vilnius. It was built in the beginning of the 14^th century, and replacing an earlier wooden one, it withstood the attacks of the crusaders. At the beginning of the 15^th century, it was rebuilt, strengthened, and along with the lower castle, composed a powerful defensive complex. Eventually it lost its importance after damage caused by the war with Moscow in 1655, it was not rebuilt. After World War II, the best surviving tower was restored and now houses a museum and an observation platform which offers an impressive panoramic view of Vilnius, both the old and the new.

“Five litas,” the clerk said. Communicating with gestures and words, the best way I knew how because English is spoken by very few in Vilnius, “Oh no. Two. Two of us.” She understands and asks for ten litas.

“This is pretty amazing isn’t it? Look at this, how huge this area used to be.”

The models in the museum depicted areas that were so vast, which were fortified with huge, thick, stone walls lined with towers. One of the models had an outer wooden wall as well as a huge stone wall. Moats were all around the fortified areas. Inside the huge walls were homes, castles, fields.

As we stood in relative awe, I commented, “Can you imagine the work that went into building all of this? And to think, it was all done by hand- there was no heavy machinery back then. Wow, amazing; the higher and lower castles of Vilnius in the first half of the 17^th century.”

The next level had us exploring the armor and weaponry of the knights. “Oh cool. Look! A knight’s wardrobe!” There were shields, swords, and other protective gear and weapons. There was also armor completely assembled forming a towering knight, two of them. Looking at my fair lady and motioning to the knight that’s shinier than the other, I say, “Go and stand beside that one. I’ll take your picture. You can tell your mom you’ve finally found your knight in shining armor!” She laughs, poses, then says, “Your turn!” Our cameras are seizing every picturesque moment, even the unplanned ones.

From the top of the tower the panoramic view is incredible. You can see all of Vilnius: Old Town and the newer part, the city. The old is lined with the distinctive, square shaped, European buildings with the orange tiled roofs, all attached to each other as they follow along the streets. On the main roofs are many smaller, miniature roofs, which protrude above the windows. There are towers, steeples, monuments, and cathedrals, all built in vastly, beautiful, breath-taking architecture: all of which is truly European; lush, green, vegetation and trees, give greater effect to the beauty that surrounds. The new is the city, like any city, with its tall buildings, glass windows, and fast flowing traffic. There is too, a little bit of the old mixed with the new.

We stand close to each other as we’re enjoying the view; the absolutely amazing, amazing view.

“Beautiful, isn’t it- absolutely beautiful.” She agrees, and by the expression in her eyes and on her face, she’s enjoying every moment of it. We pose for more pictures with the panoramic view in the back ground. I comment, “You look so happy.”

“You see that bridge over there, toward the city? It’s the second or third one over.”

“There’s a restaurant there, right on the bridge that I’ve wanted to go to. I was there as I was exploring the city when I first arrived. I haven’t eaten there yet, as I don’t want to be there alone; I’ve been waiting for someone to come along. It’s very beautifully situated. First, the restaurant is made to look like a part of a ship and, it’s right next to the river with nothing but green field all around.”

She replies, “We could go there if you like. If you don’t plan on going to this afternoon’s lecture. It’s one o’ clock now and the lecture is at two.” I think on it for about a second, again, I’m caught up in the beauty of the moment and the possibility of lunch with a lovely young lady at the edge of the river, “Ah, sure, why not.” “What about the lecture?” “Well, missing one lecture won’t hurt. Let’s go.”

“It’s a bit of a walk. How will we get there?”

In Old Town people get around by walking, biking, driving, or using a bicycle drawn rickshaw.

She says, “Let’s take one of those,” pointing to a bicycle drawn rickshaw.

The teenage driver looks at us as we’re trying to explain to him where we want to go. “Over there, the city, restaurant on the bridge.” He does not understand us. He pulls out a map. Pointing, she says, “Here, along the river- to this bridge.” He says, “Ok, twenty lita.” My feeling is he still doesn’t fully understand us but knows he’ll be fine if he just stays close to the river. Intent on sharing the cost, she reaches for her money and says, “I don’t have any change right now. I can pay you later.” I tell her, “No. Don’t worry about it. It’s not a problem. I’m just very glad to have your company.” We pose for a few pictures in the rickshaw before we begin our short journey.

We talk and laugh as our cameras continue documenting. I take pictures of her taking pictures. I have an adjustable display screen on my camera. I can turn it around and backward, and holding my camera in front of us, take pictures of us together fitting us perfectly into the screen. I check the picture to see how it turned out. “Wow. Look at this; very nice. Look how happy you are.” She attributes the glow to years of practice by her parents who specialized in photography.

We pass the castle in the down town area, at the part of the river where the words are written, in Lithuanian, imbedded in rows of beautiful, bright, red flowers on the banks of the river, opposite each other; on one side, “AS TAVE MY LILI!” and on the other side, “IR AS TAVE” accentuated by an enormous, beautifully and perfectly shaped heart, made of the same radiant, red flowers. As we were informed by our tour guide in an earlier arranged tour, the words translate to: “I LOVE YOU!” And, “I LOVE YOU TOO!” Such life affecting words to put next to a river that flows continuously. Love should be that way- it should just flow.

Our rickshaw is slowing down, almost, to a stop. I realize we’ve come to a very, very narrow part of the side-walk. Our driver is trying his best to navigate slowly around the pole that takes up most of the space, without having the rickshaw topple onto the street. I look at my companion, “What do you think? Should we stop and get out for a minute?” She looks at me, agreeing, “It’s probably a good idea.” I say, “Yeah. If we topple, I won’t look too good lying on the street with the rickshaw on top of me.” We laugh. We stand and watch as our driver continues his maneuver. As careful as he is, one wheel drops onto the street and the rickshaw topples lightly. We look at each other and smile, “Yep. Getting out was a good idea.”

“Here we are! Right over there- that bridge, that restaurant!”

We pull up, and before we fully disembark, I take a photo of the lovely young lady next to the rickshaw, she who is looking more and more beautiful with each passing day.

She chooses a table on the corner closest to the river. It’s such a beautiful, sunny, sunny day. “Do they serve us or do we have to go and order at the counter?” “Just a minute, I’ll check.” I return to her, “We order at the counter and when it’s ready, they deliver to the table.” “Sweet,” she loved to use the words “sweet,” and “cool.” From her, it just seemed right.

We used the bit of time we had waiting for the food, to do more studying. Actually, she did. I sat and watched her. Just being near her made me feel good and she was such a lady. “Hhhhmmm this looks good.” My dish was coiled, white sausage with sauerkraut and mustard. She ordered a wrap. We exchanged a few bites and sipped our drinks. Some how we got onto the topic of partying, drug use, addictions, and trauma: I shared with her the struggles and challenges of my life, briefly, from childhood to now; how I used to use and the incredible dysfunction that became my life. The trouble, encounters with police, and hospital visits, which were all indicators that I could no longer drink safely. I concluded, “Now, by the grace of God and his incredible mercy, I am over ten years clean and sober.” At this point she said with absolute delight and the loveliest smile to back it up, “Alright!” and high-fived me. She spoke of others in her life that had a similar story and how she helped to support them.

I then recited one of my favorite verses, from one of my poems:

“Wishing to be a child releasing laughter in the rain-
only one way to go, again walk through the pain.
Character, wisdom, knowledge, and strength-
seek only to be thy attributes, event after event.”

She looked at me with her expression of continued delight, and said, “Now that I’ve heard a part of your story- that makes perfect sense.”

We finished our meal, then continued with our assignments; we read, critiqued, wrote, for at least another couple of hours. Somehow, her presence took away what can be the arduous task of studying. Again, the hours felt like minutes. We then made our way toward the mall, the Europa. We needed to find a place for her to mail her post cards. Although the malls are nice in America, there seems to be and added “touch of art” to many of the malls here in Europe- the Europa was no different. In its interior, its classiness, elegance- in its uniqueness, it is very structurally appealing. They’re just different, some-how, and fancier.

“Hhhhmmmm a chocolate shop!” she said happily as we made our way through the door. Looking at the wide assortment of very attractive and fancily decorated chocolates, “What’s in this one?” The clerk explained, “That one is made with cinnamon filling.” “Oh, I’ll take a couple of those.” Before the clerk even had a chance to put the chocolates in the bag, my friend was already picking and choosing other chocolates, shooting her questions rapidly, “And this, what’s in this?” It was a joy to watch her, as the expression goes; she was truly like a kid in a candy store. Those were the best chocolates I’d ever tasted, as they went from her mouth, to mine; they were truly, delicious.

I left her for a few moments and caught up with her in an accessories store a few doors down. I asked her, as I'm also looking for gifts to buy for my sisters, “Have you found anything that you like?” She looks at me smiling, “Well, I did find a really cool necklace that I like, and I’m trying to decide whether or not to buy it.” I say, “Show it to me please.”

It’s a very nice, Egyptian style piece, I imagine, an Egyptian princess would wear; gold in color. I look at her and say, “Please. Allow me to buy it for you, to commemorate this wonderful day having spent it with you.” Excitedly she responds, “Really! You’d do that for me?” “Yes. Please. Allow me too.” I take the piece, along with another which I’d picked out for one of my sisters, and return to her, “Here, from me to you.” Reaching to embrace her as she leans toward me, I say, “Thank you for making this such an amazing day.” She smiles radiantly and with such pleasure. “Oh! Thank you! Thank you so much!” I continue, “The truth is, every time you doll up and are getting ready to go out, as you put on this piece, you’re going to remember me. The thought of me is going to pass through your mind, and if you don’t say it out loud, you’re going to whisper it in your heart: Godwin.” The smile that she so often responded with was becoming etched upon my heart. “Again, thank you for such a beautiful day, it’s been fun.”

We left the mall and began our walk back to the dorms. We walked along the river, first, because it’s a lovely walk, and second, it’s a shorter route. Again, our cameras snapped this shot and that shot; I was not going to miss the picturesque moments of such lovely company while walking along side of a beautiful river; she, to whom it has been said, has the spirit of water. When she first told me, I thought, “How beautiful; as water is the symbol of life.”

As we prepared to bed for the night, each of us to our own rooms, I caught her outside her door. “Thanks again for such a wonderful day.” She responded, “Yeah, thank you. It was fun.” I continued, “You know, you’re an answer to a prayer. I prayed that at some point in time I’d have the company of a lovely young lady; someone to share the more beautiful parts of Vilnius with. Then you came along.” Reflecting further on the day, and not allowing her to pay for anything, except the chocolates, I said, “Thank you for letting me spoil you. It’s a very special feeling. I haven’t had any one to spoil for a very long time.” From here we exchanged our “good nights,” and were off to bed.

My offense: The very next morning as I was sitting having my coffee and treat, she came down the stairs. I was engaged in a conversation with some others. I saw her in the corner of my eye: she was beautiful, smiling, and radiant. She looked at me and I just looked away. I didn’t say a word. I entered the coffee shop to get more coffee, she was there, two persons in front of me. I wanted then to acknowledge her, but just couldn’t. She left.

The day passed quickly and I hadn’t seen her again until late evening, and it was only for a few moments. Still, no words were spoken. For sure, it was too late to say “Good morning!” I felt so bad for not acknowledging her, as she, like a princess, walked down the steps of the coffee shop. I think about it, and I reason. It is because of the slight tinge of rejection I felt in my heart, as we were engaged in conversation the day before, and she said: but I have a boyfriend, and he’s nice.

“I’m so sorry for not acknowledging you. Please forgive me.”

I wish I weren’t so selfish in love and friendship; or maybe, it was: just my imagination- running away with me.

- posted by Free2write @ 6:07 AM