Letter to a Friend: Recovery





Greetings!

Please pardon at times, what may sound like pessimism (literally translated- act of seeing only the bad side of situations, or, expecting the worst).

I appreciate your trying to conquer your last length of clean time. I believe we as recovering alcoholics and addicts all at some point in time came to this resolve in our processes of recovery. As I reflect on this "proposed period of time" I realize now it is just because I (we) were not really ready to quit, to completely surrender- and the only reason we made it through these proposed periods of time is that WE KNEW that we were going to use again- in fact, it was the plan.

In this particular scenario it is not true recovery but the simple acknowledgment of the passage of time with no real "inner work" being done. You see, recovery begins on the inside...with the heart, the spirit, and the soul. People who have achieved inner peace and sobriety and still have it now, many, many years later are those that took the chance to take the journey from within.

It is true- alcoholism and drug addiction is merely the symptom...the real problem lies within: our brokenness, sadness, disappointments, hurts, angers, pain, deep rooted blame and unforgiveness. We can talk until we're blue in the face about how great we're doing and how much clean time we have but if the work is not done internal, I promise you on my mother's grave and on God's Holy Word, we will be using again. Then, it will be worse than before and we'll sit in the stinking(ness) of our addiction and alcoholism, crying in our pity-pot wondering what went wrong. Well, it's simple; pray for the courage, strength, honesty, humility, and determination to face our inner demons and LEARN TO FORGIVE! Quit blaming all those ones who for years we thought were the source of our problems and anger. Take a long look in the mirror and say: "Well! It's not my mother! It's not my father! It's not my brother, sister, aunt, or uncle! It's not my best friend! IT'S ME!!!! IT'S BEEN ME ALL THE TIME!!!! HOW BLIND COULD I HAVE BEEN!!!! I'M THE ONE WHO CHOSE TO HARBOR THIS HURT, ANGER, RAGE, BLAME, AND UNFORGIVENESS! I'M THE ONE WHO HAS CHOSEN TO LIVE IN THIS WORLD OF MISERY!!!" Get off that high horse of self-centeredness, humble yourself- and start apologizing and forgiving others. Yes, if they've hurt you- acknowledge that hurt- this is important too! But deal with it effectively, properly, and productively- this is possible. FORGIVENESS IS KEY!!!! There is no other way! There isn't! And there never will be!

I appreciate that you aim to go for three months of clean time; but, why stop there when so much good is under the bridge.

You want my brutal honesty? You've been hurt! Acknowledge it! Look at it! See how it has shaped your life, even destroyed it and the game you play is one of "Russian Roulette." One of these days you're going to take a bad hit, and, guess what, you're going to wake up in a place a billion times greater or more, than the torment you suffer now: trust me, I know.

You want to get well? Yes, ninety meetings in ninety days is a good thing; it worked for me! My challenge to you in your proposed ninety day sobriety goal- do the work internally, and come and tell me after ninety days that you want to use again. If you do, then you're free to do it. No one will hold you back or try to persuade you otherwise. Do it, put in your ninety days internally: feel great, love life, be born again and anew, quit blaming and forgive. After ninety days, if this is not good enough for you- you're free to "PICK UP YOUR MISERY AGAIN AND GO DANCING SADLY OUT THE DOOR!"

I hope this answers your questions and addresses the concerns which you had.

The response was:

Thank you for spending the time that you have on your reply. It was quite lengthy and you put a lot into it! Yes, I understand what you are saying...but, I know I am still not ready to entirely quit. My co-dependence is too deep, so I want to take smaller successful steps to bring me there...because I DO want to get there someday, and I really am not happy with my willingness!

My reply:

I know no other way- if you're not ready to quit- why put yourself through the misery of the ninety days? Use until you're ready to quit...and, if you don't die during the process- maybe you'll have another chance.

The final word:

Most excellent. One thing you do have is the desire...and really, this is really how it all begins. I pray you make it through.

Sincerely, and truly your friend: Godwin.

PS: By the "Grace of God, through brutal honesty, humility, and forgiveness...on January 30th, 2010, I will be eleven years clean and sober."

Two things that were said to me and I held onto through the earlier years of my sobriety and still recite today: 1) And this too shall pass. 2) By the Grace of God...there go I.

I hope you find what you are looking for...

Photos: 1) Mountain side road in my home village- Kincolith. Recovery is a journey toward the light! 2) Angel Warrior: static.squidoo.com "Go for it! You are not alone!"
- posted by Free2write @ 12:45 PM